More Scenes from a Party

The cutting of the "cake't".

V and his Uncle John test the laws of aerodynamics.

V and his cousin Conor plot their next moves ...

Grandma Sophie!

Grandma Birdie!

Grandpa Quakie!

Aunt Betty and Uncle Teddy

"I like making noise and eating cake't!"

Vincent with his Aunt Meg and Uncle Dave

Anna, Emily and Rachael head off on an adventure, followed by neighbor Nate.

Scenes from a Party

Vincent checks out his birthday cake at his 3rd birthday.

Vincent's cousins, from left Rachael, Emily and Anna, with Toby the Dog

More trampoline!!

Trampoline!!!

Vincent enjoys his new trampoline, given to him on his 3rd birthday by his grandparents, Birdie and Quakie, and his Aunt Meg and Uncle Dave.

Update: 3 months with little V

My blog update is way overdue...chalk it up to juggling the demands of parenthood and a busy work schedule. Much thanks to all of you who have shown such support and enthusiasm during our adoption process. Though it was very trying at times I'd do it again in a heartbeat; Vincent is the love of our lives.

V's (our favorite nickname for him) adjustment has been nothing short of amazing. We were prepared for the worst case scenario; attachment difficulties, sleeping problems, difficulty expressing and receiving affection, difficulty learning his new language. In 3 months he has gained a 40 word vocabulary, appears to understand just about everything we say to him, has adjusted beautifully to his daycare, and acts as though he has always been a part of our family.
We have seen this quiet, reserved boy evolve into a giggling, laughing, funny, smart 2 year old.
He loves nothing more than being held and kissed. He's grown very attached to Mama and Daddy, as he calls us. He loves for the three of us to be together, whether it's playing outside, reading books together on the couch, or taking him on a little adventure. He knows he has a forever family; I truly believe this.

I never doubted how much we'd grow to love him, of course. But I honestly couldn't even imagine loving him as much as I do. It didn't happen the first time we met him, I have to be honest about that. I think I was more in shock than anything else (as I'm sure V was, too) It was an attachment and love that grew over time. To the point that the first time he was really "ours", when we picked him up from his orphanage and drove back to the hotel with him, I knew
that there was NOTHING I wouldn't do for this little boy. Nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for him. I could imagine loving any child born to me any more than I love V. We're a family now, the three of us.

V has also had his share of adventures since arriving home with us. He ran into a bookcase and got a few stiches in his forehead. Not a big deal, of course, but as many parents feel, I wished it had happened to me instead of him. As a reminder he has a little scar smack in the middle of his forehead.

V is a funny little kid. He loves his stuffed animals and always has one of them with him. He sleeps with all of them piled in his bed (in addition to several books and a few toys). He loves bananas, peanut butter, fruit bars, and milk. If he ate nothing else I think he'd be ok with that
:-) He loves to dance (Andy has shown him a few moves..think "Saturday Night Fever") and he will "take a bow" after he's done an especially cute routine. He loves to help out, whether it's bringing his cups and bowls to the kitchen after dinner, picking up his toys, or carrying a box of something in from the car after grocery shopping. The boy also loves riding in the grocery cart when we go shopping. He loves to "kiss" everything; his toothbrush after he's finished using it, the gallon of milk before it's put back in the fridge, his favorite book after we finish reading it.
V also loves daycare (thank God!). That makes my life much easier! He's also grown very attached to his Grandparents and his cousins. He will drop what he's doing, squeal with delight, and run to them full speed when he sees them.

In short, Vincent is just an absolute joy. It's hard to imaging life before he arrived, though I vaguely remember having alot more time to myself :-) Thanks ok; all part of the parenting package. An amazing job in my humble opinion.

The boy loves apple cider ...

Happy (Belated) Halloween!!

"Yeah, The Frog May Be Kinda Disturbing-Looking With His Big Red Eyes, But I Love Him Anyway ...

"More Ice Cream, Mom ... Please?!"

Life at our house

Much thanks to Andy who was kind enough to log on and post some pictures of Vincent and give a little update about our week in Moscow. There were a few things he left out. Maybe it's like childbirth; most mom's won't fully remember the pains of labor once they see their child's face. Having Vincent here with us makes it easy to put that week behind us. Just for the heck of it, I'll fill you in while it's still fresh in my mind.

We picked Vincent up on a Monday. We were in the lobby that morning waiting for our translator to meet us. I hadn't slept well the night before (due to both nerves/anticipation and the fact that the room was hot and stuffy). The hotel lobby was bustling; several large tour groups had arrived the night before. As I turned around I spotted a man who looked exactly like my dad, Vincent's namesake. It was very surreal. I had been thinking about him alot that morning. Much in the way people thing about loved ones who have died on special occasions, wishing they could be there with us. I took it as a sign that he, in some way, knew about the wonderful event that was to happen. It was difficult to keep the tears at bay after that point.

Our first stop was the Russian passport agency office. After we completed our business there we stopped by a grocery store and bought cakes for the staff at Vincent's orphanage. I had thought about what this final scene would be like; much emotion, tears, words of farewell from Vincent's caregivers, asking us to take good care of their special boy. Much like the final scene of a movie when something really good happens to the main character and the music starts on cue and they all walk off together into the distance. Instead, the orphanage was strangely quiet that morning. "Reds", the orphanage director, was on vacation so there was to be no commentary from her. The caregiver who appeared to be most attached to him was also not present. We knocked on the door to his group's playroom and they sent him out and promptly shut the door. We changed him out of his clothes and put him in the clothes we brought for him. We took a quick photo of Vincent with his caregiver and then the door shut; that was it! So much for the melodrama that I had imagined.

Vincent took our hands, walked through the door, and never looked back. Not even a tear when we put him in the car. Soon this beautiful little boy was asleep on my lap, holding tightly on to the teddy bear we gave him the first time we met back in May. I just couldn't believe that he was finally OUR boy. It had to be one of the happiest moments of my life.

Our week in Moscow had its share of challenges. Vincent was recovering from bronchitis and had a fever and a bad cough. He also had a horrendous diaper rash. Plus he was teething. Add 6 days in a small hotel room, new parents, and a toddler who comprehends only Russian. We survived. Just as we survived the 10.5 hour flight back to New York. At that point both Andy and I were sick, as was Vincent. Benadryl only helped so much; he slept for the first hour of the flight. After that we relied on every trick we had planned to keep him occupied. He screamed intermittently. He occupied himself with several lollipops, mostly by rubbing it in his hair, on his hands, and sticking it to his seat. We distracted him with Play -Do; that came to an abrupt end as he threw a chunk of it into the seat in front of him. He threw a small, plastic animal into the airplane toilet. He pushed the emergency call button and unlocked the bathroom door. It was a crash course in parenting, for sure.

My mom, brother, and his wife and 2 young girls met us at the airport, waving American flags as we came through customs. Vincent slept the entire 90 minute car ride back to my mom's house in NJ. That evening we had a little family party and my uncle and aunts joined in the celebration. At that point I was totally exhausted, jet-lagged, and sick. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a few days. Then I realized we have a 2 year old to take care of. How the heck do parents take care of them when they feel like crap? I think it was at that moment that I decided that Vincent will be an only child!

We've been home less than a week; during this time we've seen Vincent undergo such an amazing transformation. He was such a quiet, serious boy every time we'd see him at the orphanage. Now he's laughing and squealing nonstop. He already says several words in English...amazing how quickly he's learning things. He has quite a little personality. We can already tell he's a real comedian. He has his moments, of course, just like most 2 year olds. He's stubborn. H.e can go from a temper tantrum to giggles in 10 seconds. He's testing his limits with Andy and I, figuring out just how much he can get away with. He's amazingly affectionate; we had been told to expect him to refuse hugs and kisses for some time. We've been so blessed that his transition has been easier than we had anticipated.

Being home with him is hard work; much more difficult than I had anticipated. Simple things take up alot of time. Throw in a temper tantrum and breakfast preparation and cleanup can take an hour. I'm getting used to planning my day around his naps. It seems like nap time (or after he goes to bed) are the only times I can really get anything accomplished. I also figured out that it is pointless to run around after him, picking up his toys throught the day. I've also stopped worrying that he has a little bit of his breakfast on his shirt (and in his hair). Hopefully nobody will report me for that one :-)

My plan is just to enjoy every waking minute with our little guy. Right now he's sleeping peacefully; I have to admit that I've come to cherish this time for myself. Which is why I'll sign off now, put my feet up on the couch, and read a book....just like the old days :-)

From Our Moscow Hotel Room ...

It seemed like our week in our cramped, stuffy room in the Hotel Cosmos would never end, but what made it bearable (joyous, in fact) was little Andrey. He was so serious at the orphanage, but from the time we took him to the hotel to the day we left the smile barely left his face. He was happy, energetic, giggling, rambunctious--a joy to behold! We were so happy, and so relieved--we hadn't been sure how he'd react to being taken away from everything he'd ever known. Luckily, he seems to have bonded quite tightly with us. His personality is amazing. There's so much more to write about. The picture in the middle, where he's holding up his hands, is his favorite game--he likes to take things (toys, stuffed animals etc.) and hide them, then hold up his hands and make this quizzical expression--"Where is it?"--while we pretend to look for it (usually it's hidden in plain sight, but the joy the little guy gets from this game is amazing). The game never gets old for him, and neither does being tossed in the air by Andy, who got quite a workout from lifting him up over and over again (the little guy may be short, but he's solid!).

He's Here!!!!

Vincent Andrew Barry arrived in the U.S. on Aug. 9, 2008. He is adjusting very well, he's happy and playful and we are thrilled beyond belief. Last few days have been very hectic; much more to follow soon!

Last visit with Vincent

We didn't take quite as many pictures of Vincent this last trip, probably because we were just so focused on spending time with him. We did take a few cute ones, though, and Andy will upload them to the blog this weekend. We didn't take a camera with us to our court date, though in retrospect it would have been nice to have taken a picture of the group. After the experience, though, I just wanted to get the heck out of there.

After court, we got back to the car and we dropped Reds off at a local Metro stop. Andy and I were sure we were headed back to our hotel. Imagine our surprise when we looked out the window and realized we were just down the street from Vincent's orphanage! They decided to let us have one last visit with him before we returned home the next day.

Vincent was with the other kids in their playroom. He ran up to us and his eyes were as big as saucers. He grabbed our hand and we headed outside to the play area. We played catch with a ball and rolled it back and forth to him. He really seemed to enjoy it! Next we took turns throwing balls into an improvised hoop (it was really a basket duct taped to two short metal poles in the ground with a stuffed animal duct taped to the top portion...a little bizarre.)
Then, it happened. Are you ready, folks? For the first time he smiled at us! Then he giggled. Soon he was laughing and squealing as he ran around the yard with us. I picked him up, hugged and kissed him and he was still smiling (after the car incident I wasn't so sure what his reaction would be) I don't think I've been happier than I was at that moment. To see him so happy...it made all of the waiting, the travel, the paperwork, and the expense of this adoption worth it. Andy, Vincent, and I.... together. I wish I could have bottled that moment. I couldn't even take a picture of him, since we were sans camera.

It was time for Vincent to go back inside. We led him up to the playroom, gave him a kiss and a hug, and waved goodbye. Once he realized we were leaving, he started to cry. Oh boy, I didn't want to see him upset but part of me was relieved that he was sad to see us go.

We'll return to Moscow 8/3 . The next day we'll visit his orphanage for the last time. After that visit he'll be walking out the door with us, his new parents.

Our court date; the play-by-play

I feel like I left everyone hanging with my last post; Vincent trying desperately to claw his way out of the car, screaming at the top of his little lungs. An image I'd rather forget, though he's two and I'm sure Andy and I will be seeing more of that particular "performance" in the future.

Back to the court hearing; it's really just too... "interesting" not give you the play-by-play. Few things in my life have every been "typical", so why shouldn't we have a court hearing that closely resembled a skit from "Saturday Night Live?"

Andy and I made our way to the Moscow City Court via Vincent's orphanage; we stopped there to pick up "Reds", the director of the orphanage. No, that's not her real name of course, just our little nickname for her. The 5 of us were piled into our driver's small car. It was about 95 degrees and 90% humidity. The only automobile air conditioning we experienced during this trip to Moscow was what my father used to call "4-40"; open all 4 windows and drive 40 mph. Andy was in a suit and I was wearing a black dress; we were a sweaty mess by the time we arrived at the court building. Fortunately it was air conditioned...what a relief!

Our hearing was scheduled for 4:00 pm. We arrive close to 3:30 and wait outside the courtroom. No sign of the judge by 4:00. Still no judge at 4:30. At 4:45 we spot a middle-age woman running down the hall; here comes our judge after all! She was the spitting image of my mother's friend, Fran! Of course I couldn't properly pronounce our judge's entire Russian name, so I nicknamed our judge "Fran." Are you keeping up with me? So far we have "Reds" and "Fran"; if these women only knew what I was calling them! Soon we were asked to enter the courtroom and we take our seats. Immediately we hear a loud thumping noise coming from the judge's chambers. It sounded like a pipe was going to explode. It was loud, and very distracting. Everyone is giggling. The judge appears, and she starts to speak. Our interpreter, Katya, is sitting next to us, translating so that we know what's being said.

Fran asks that all the Russian speaking people present sign their names in a book, located on a podium near our seats. As they assemble around the podium, they're searching for a pen. The "pen" was actually this big, poofy purple pom-pom thingy. This is a courtroom, people, not a pre-teen girl's bedroom! Everyone giggles as they pass around the jiggling, poofy pen.

Soon it's Andy's turn to take the podium. Fran asks him (via our translator) his name, date of birth, address. Then she asks Andy the date we were married. Andy, please forgive me for telling this part of the story. Oh boy, I can see the sweat collecting on Andy's brow. After a slight delay, Andy replies. He's off by a few days. There's a delay and then Fran says, "That's not the date I have, do you want to try again?" He shoots, he scores... he gets it right this time! More chuckles ensue from the crowd.

Let's not forget about the thumping coming from the judge's chambers. The door of the courtroom flies open. It's the bulding's maintenance crew, outfitted in bright orange jumpsuits. They walk DIRECTLY across the middle of the courtroom with a ladder. The Three Stooges disappear into the judge's chamber to tend to the thumping.

Red's cell phone rings. There are signs in English all around the court building (in fact, the only signs I saw in English our entire trip) stating that nobody is to use a cell phone in the building. This doesn't stop Reds. She starts chatting and laughing on her cell phone while I'm at the podium, answering the judge's questions. Another cell phone rings; this time it it's our attorney. The theme from "Swan Lake" plays as she flicks open her phone. They're both talking on their phones at the same time. The judge doesn't appear irritated by the phone calls, so I figure if she's not bothered by it, why should I be? Right?

Fran retires to her chambers for a few moments before reading her verdict. Just as she reappears and begins to tell us whether or not she has awarded guardianship of Vincent to Andy and I, the Three Stooges reappear from her chambers. They walk, with ladder in hand, directly across the middle of the courtroom. They exit, Fran reads her verdict, and Vincent is now part of our family! Everyone begins hugging and kissing everyone else.

I tried really hard to remember exactly how I felt at that exact moment, the moment when Vincent officially became our son and we became his parents. One day Vincent will ask what happened that day, and Andy and I can recount the events to him, ringing cell phones, poofy pen, and Three Stooges with their ladder and all.

It's official!

OK, I'll cut to the chase; all went well at our court hearing in Moscow and we are "officially" Vincent's parents!

We had issues with internet access during our trip, so my apologies to all our friends in cyberspace who were diligently checking our blog during our time in Moscow. I can't troubleshoot a wireless connection problem to save my life. Right now my coworkers are chuckling at me because I've had this horizontal line across my computer screen at work for the past few months and haven't gotten around to figuring out why it's there or what to do about it. I digress...

This trip we stayed in a large hotel that appeared to host quite an international crowd. We've heard that many adoptive parents from our area/agency stay at the Marriott; at $600 a night it was too expensive for our blood. Instead, we had thumping Euro-music filling the lobby (along with a heavy cloud of cigarette smoke) There were some...err..."interestingly" dressed (or undressed) women who were parked at the lobby bar. The elevator shook and rumbled. They paved the hotel driveway at 2 am just about every night we were there. No temperature control in the room; it was either really warm or cold. The breakfast buffet consisted of mostly unrecognizable foods, even for an adventurous foodie. Hey, the price was right.

Back to Vincent, the most important part of the trip. We had several visits with him before our court hearing. Most were fairly short; about 90 minutes each. I think he did remember us; he ran over to Andy and I as soon as he spotted us in the outside play area. Just as I knelt down and started to rub his back and talk to him, he was swarmed by the group; the pediatrician who directs the orphanage, our attorney, and our interpreter. Apparently the orphanage director is very attached to him, so she couldn't resist snatching him up, kissing him, and taking him for a little walk. No fair, she hijacked our Vincent :-) No worries, they returned shortly and we had him to ourselves.

This boy loves to walk; he held on to our finger and walked twice around the perimeter of the orphanage. Then we sat with him and played with a wooden puzzle and blocks. When he concentrates on a task, he bites on his upper lip and his dark eyes get big. Then he raises and lowers his eyebrows. Then he'd stare at us with those beatiful eyes, studying our faces with such intensity. Though he seemed to be enjoying himself, we didn't see a smile...at all. He seemed enthusiastic when he said "paca" (goodbye in Russian) at the end of each visit. Great, he can't wait to get rid of us, and he's hasn't even reached his teen years!

During another visit we took him to a local photographer to have his passport and visa pictures taken. He seemed tentative as we approached the car. Once we tried to put him in the car all hell broke loose; he grabbed on to the door, screaming and kicking. He had no memory of ever being in a car. The last time he rode in one was when he was 2 months old and was brought to the orphanage. Despite our attempts to comfort him, he was hysterical. Finally curiosity won out over fear and he occupied himselp by staring out the window. Round two started up once we had to put him back in the car once the pictures were taken. I'm sure he will get used to it, hopefully in short order. If not, is it legal to drive with ear plugs???

Annoying stuff

I think I've discovered my own hell-on-earth....Babies-R-Us.

What started out as a simple trip to buy 2 baby gates for our stairs and several gifts for a friend ended with my running out of the store, swearing never to return again. It was a combination of factors that made my trip a traumatic experience. Just say that no aisle numbers, an overwhelming variety of the same item(who knew there were 10 different types of baby thermometers?), and I had a heck of a time finding a sales associate to help me out. Let's not forget an entire store of pregnant women, hormones flowing full force, who stood, with their carts, strollers, and kids, in front of every display I was trying to view. Then they looked shocked when I politely asked them multiple times if I could squeeze in to get something.

The kicker was that I left without the darn baby gates. After weeding through 20 or so types, I finally found ones that would work for our stairs. I thought they were $39.99 each, which seemed like an incredible deal, given that most of the others were more expensive. Guess what? They were $79.99 each when I checked out at the register. At that point I just couldn't deal with going back to the gate section, so I left them at the checkout. I then promptly drove home and made myself a nice gin and tonic. Guess I'll have to get gates at some point. My vote is for Craigslist :-)

Court Date!

I never thought I'd be happy about having to show up in court! We got the good news that we're headed back to Moscow. Our court appearance is scheduled for July 15th; we'll arrive several days ahead of time so we can spend time with Andrey and take care of some paperwork.

We're hoping everything will go smoothly. In the meantime, I have some serious shopping to do. We're bringing new clothes for the kids in the babyhome, plus we have to get gifts for all 8 of his caregivers and a few other people. I am so not a shopper, nor am I a fan of spending money (ok, I'm cheap, I'll admit it), so this will take some effort on my part :-) It is fun to buy stuff for kids who so deserve something nice.

Andrey's (soon to be Vincent's) room is almost ready. We have not yet childproofed the house (the outlet protectors and cabinet locks are all still in the bag) Andy will be out of town this weekend; looks like I have plenty to keep me busy.

Many people have asked how we've been able to be so patient; waiting for our court date, waiting for the date of our final trip, etc. It's all part of the process. We knew what we were getting into when we chose to adopt, we knew there were many uncertainties along the way. We knew it would be a big financial endeavor. Finally it's all coming together and the waiting will be worth it. In the meantime we've had a few family emergencies in addition to work and daily life that have kept us occupied. Soon all this excitement, confusion, and last-minute travel arrangements will be behind us, and we'll fall into a routine with our new son. It can't happen soon enough!

Happy Birthday

Today is our little guy's second birthday. Initially we had hoped that he'd be home with us in time for his birthday; guess that just wasn't meant to be. When we saw Andrey last, I didn't ask the orphanage whether or not they'd have a little birthday cake for him. I didn't want to hear their response if the answer was "no". I mean, that's alot to ask, considering they have many kids to care for and not alot of resources available to them.

You can bet that he'll have a homemade birthday cake next year. Maybe even a present or two as well as plenty of birthday hugs and kisses. I'm sure he'll also be fussed over by friends and family since it will be his first birthday home with us.

Things will be very different for Andrey in a few short months. We just have to be patient and stay focused on getting him home safely. It can't come soon enough. Happy 2nd birthday, my love!

What's in a name?

Andy and I have had Andrey's "new name" picked out for quite some time now. We thought long and hard about picking out a name that would honor his past and also link him to both my family and Andy's family. We think we've come up with one that suits him just fine.

Vincent Andrew Barry

We decided to use his current name as his middle name. We'll use the American translation, which is "Andrew". How appropriate that he shares a name with his new daddy!

His first name will be Vincent, after my dad who passed away 7 years ago. I know that somehow my dad knows that his first grandson has been named after him, and he's smiling big time about that! As an added bonus, Vincent was also the name of my mom's oldest brother. He was also very special me. So it's kind of like a "2 for 1" !

His second middle name will be Barry. He was Andy's mom's brother. Barry died when he was a boy. Apparently he was quite a special boy and he was adored by Andy's mom. Maybe one day Vincent will complain about having 2 middle names instead of just one. We'll deal with it when the time comes. If that's his biggest issue, then we're doing just fine!

So until he's home with us, he's still Andrey. Or cutie-pie. Or chubby cheeks. Take your pick.

A great visit

We're back home now, safe and sound. We have more pictures to post from our last day with Andrey; once we get our new internet service working at home we'll be sure to post them for your viewing pleasure.

I have to tell you it was hard saying goodbye to our little guy. I think of it more as a "see you soon", but that can be hard to explain to an almost 2 year old. I wonder what he thought when we didn't show up the next day? I also wonder what his caregivers told him. Nothing? "They'll be back for you?" "That's your new mommy and daddy?" Who knows exactly what they are telling him. I'm hoping they're telling him we'll be back to get him.

We left Andrey a picture book of our photos; Andy and I, our parents, siblings, Andrey's cousins-to-be. He seemed to enjoy the book when we gave it to him, pointing to each face in the book as Andy said the name of the person. Our interpreter, Katya, pointed to my picture, looked at Andrey and said, "mama." For a moment I was a little stunned; that was the first time anyone referred to me as his mom. It was a moment of joy and yes, a little panic! Wait, I'm going to be his MOTHER? Oh, right, I knew that!

He gave us each a little hug the last day. Then, at the encouragement of his caregiver, he shook Andy's hand, then my hand, then Katya's hand, then he completed the circuit again. Then he smiled sweetly and said "paca", goodbye in Russian. What a little politician! He already knows how to work the crowd. Yes, folks, I managed to exit without crying, but it was a challenge. I did get a little teary at the airport, but the rational side of me took hold. We'll be back for him soon. Maybe not soon enough for my liking, but things will happen when they happen. Best estimate is that we'll return in 6 to 8 weeks for 2 more visits with him. On the third day of our visit, we go to court and he "officially" becomes our son. Several more weeks have to pass before he can leave the country with us, so then we will head back to Moscow for trip number 3. I should just send my entire paycheck directly to Aeroflot Airlines at this point!

There's a popular quote that speaks to adoptive families and their journey to their children, "Nobody said it would be easy; they just said it would be worth it."

Little Andrey, you are so worth it!